Adulting

Why I’m Obsessed with the Seder

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Like many mostly-extroverted people, I love a good dinner party; I love the idea of people sitting around for hours over good food and wine talking about deep things, sharing stories, reminiscing and maybe even singing. And the most magical thing is, that at a great dinner party, a group of strangers can leave as friends. So it’s no surprise that my favorite Jewish ritual is the ultimate dinner party: the Passover seder. Hours of storytelling, four cups of wine, multiple courses of food, and as we learn in the Haggadah (from a group of wild rabbis who recounted the exodus from Egypt for so long that their students had to come tell them it was time for the morning prayers), the longer the seder goes the more KfP (Kosher for Passover) brownie points we get in God’s book. 

Which leads to the story of my longest seder, where I sat around with a crew of rabbis and friends into the wee hours of the night. It was my last year of rabbinical school and we gathered in an apartment in Columbia University graduate student housing. Each attendee planned a part of the seder and with 25 eager folks, there was a lot to cover. I had walked the 15 minutes from my apartment in the early evening in flip flops and a tank top, enjoying the balmy warmth of a mid April day. But when it was time to walk home after helping my hosts clean (around 4 am) the ground was covered in snow! We had discussed the exodus until the seasons had changed!

So now you know that my dream seder is long and deep with meaning, the wine is plentiful and the carpas (dipping appetizer) course has enough apps so that no one is mad that the main meal begins at midnight. Of course, I have learned that not everyone wants an eight hour seder (including my own wife and in-laws! In fact, our parents met for the first time at a seder I hosted and my father-in-law was very jealous that my dad felt comfortable to just nap through the long discussion from his reclining spot). But in my many years of seder attending, planning and hosting, I have learned a few things I am excited to share. Because no matter the length of your seder there are a few things that make a seder magical:

  1. Be present. Turn your phone off. Decide how long you can be present and just be in the moment for that time. I would say at least two hours is a good guideline if you are able!
  2. Ask questions. Whether you are the youngest attendee asking the official four questions, someone older or in between, ask any question that pops into your head during the seder. This will make you the dream guest and everyone else will benefit from your asking! When I was in college my family attended a seder in Jerusalem hosted by an Orthodox friend of mine and her family. My dad and brother were asking questions every five minutes and the hosts were overjoyed – we found ourselves walking home at 1 am! 
  • Be vulnerable. This is at least half of why I love the wine element of the seder (the rabbis have a saying “the wine goes in, the secrets come out”), but you don’t need wine for vulnerability. Come ready to learn, like I said above, don’t be ashamed of what you don’t know. Be ready to share yourself and receive from others in return.
  • Meet someone new or get to know someone in a new way. I always like to have new faces at my seder, but even the one year that I was just with my immediate family (at the Mayo clinic before my mom’s stem cell transplant), I made sure to get to know new things about them over the seder evening.
  • Eat good food. (I think this one is self explanatory)
  • Connect to our history and connect that history to the present. Every Jewish person is obligated on seder night to see themselves as one who personally was freed from Egypt, so make sure you do that, but also use that as an opportunity to think about who in our society is not free today and renew your commitment to do something about it.

At the end of the seder we say next year in Jerusalem. This year I will say “next year in Philadelphia” (as my family prepares to move to the city in May!) I hope to host many of you at my table in the coming years – and I promise to let you go home before the seasons change!

 

Some of Rabbi Megan’s favorite Seder Resources:

 

More Resources for your seders: 

One Table Passover Resources (including an abridged Hagaddah I helped create last year!)

Youtube virtual seder hannel

Seder Plate: New Imaginations from HIAS https://www.hias.org/sites/default/files/hias_illustrated_journeys_seder_plate.pdf

Understanding the Seder Plate through the lens of Mental Health https://www.haggadot.com/clip/mental-health-interpretations-of-the-seder-plate

Welcoming people to our seder https://www.haggadot.com/clip/welcoming-all-an-inclusive-passover-reading-1

Yachatz-What is still broken? https://www.haggadot.com/clip/the-matzah-of-peace

A Woman’s Dayenu https://www.haggadot.com/haggadah/womens-seder-1

For a haggadah of Inclusion-Understanding all our children https://www.haggadot.com/haggadah/inclusion-haggadah-0

To All Our Chris’s This Holiday Season

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It’s a running joke for the Tribe 12 staff that every contractor we work with is named Chris. From photographers to tech support to web developers, we somehow end up with inboxes filled to the brim with Chris’s.

Screenshot of inbox
Like for real, how ridiculous is this?

Considering we’re a Jewish organization, the irony of working with a merry band of Chris’s is not lost on us, especially around the holiday season! So, in the true holiday spirit, we present an ode to the indispensable Chris’s who make Tribe 12 work:

Chris Hershberger-Esh at Spacious
We were introduced to this web problem solver extraordinaire by our friends at Social Impact Studios. Chris is friendly, easy to work with and oh so patient with mile-long emails. His specialty is web design and security for WordPress, so we have him to thank for large parts of our sweet website. If one of us is doing a happy dance / playing Michael Jackson at the office, we can be pretty sure it’s because of something Chris just fixed.

Chris Alghini at Cool Head Tech
When were switching our Google domain to tribe12.org from our old organization name and we were super stressed — switching everything to do with our emails, calendars and documents seemed like a huge task! Through some fortunate Googling we found Chris and Cool Head Tech. With what we can only assume was Jedi mind tricks, Chris did it all for us! Every detail was taken care of, and in a rare moment in tech, absolutely nothing went wrong in the process. Now we go to him about…. everything!

Chris Kendig at Chris Kendig Photography
Danielle met Chris years ago at a Spruce Foundation event, and ever since then he’s been Tribe 12’s go-to photographer. That’s because he’s super reliable, good on his feet, and takes beautiful headshots and candid photos alike. He even hooks us up with a very fair non-profit rate! Plus, he’s the OG Chris — the longest-standing Chris we work with!

An inbox screenshot
Yep, this screen shot represents three different Chris’s

Chris Gil
Our videographer Chris is a favorite human around here because he’s super chill and oh-so-talented. He’s the mind behind the hype video we showed at our big Beachadelphia bash last year — which, let’s be clear, Chris was still editing like a trooper minutes before the event because we made a crazy last minute request. Most recently, he filmed another creative video to promote our Tribe 12 Fellowship, and we’re working on something new with him right now – stay tuned!

Chris Braun at Cirrus Insight
We took our sweet, sweet time deciding on an email integration to test for Salesforce before finally landing on Cirrus, but Chris Braun was all patience, all the time. He answered months of questions and trained our whole team. We’re very glad David Rose, former board member extraordinaire, introduced us to him!

Chris Dickson at William Street Common
We work with a lot of bar managers, but Chris might win the medal for ‘Chillest of Them All’. When we were planning one of our biggest events ever, Beachadelphia, he was always up on the details, and always willing to go above and beyond for us. One night, after a planning meeting, we had a few drinks at the bar and started dreaming up fun concessions for the party… so anyone who had those amazing fried oreos at Beachadelphia, you have Chris to thank!

So, to Chris and Chris and Chris and Chris and Chris and Chris, we wish you a very You-mas… and a happy New Year!

Meet our 2022 Tribe 12 Fellows!

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We are so excited to welcome these amazing members of the community to our 12th cohort! Over the course of the next few months, we cannot wait to watch them grow!

Zoe (Zo) Penina Baker

Issa Kabeer

Forrest Piver

Lizzy Ravitch

Rhonda Saltzman

Noah Schoenberg

Sam Sittenfield

Michael Spanier

ICYMI: 9 Ways the Tribe 12 Fellowship Helped Me Start a Successful Business

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Aleeza Ben Shalom of Marriage Minded Mentor is a Tribe 12 Fellow from the 2013 class. As CEO of her business, she works as a coach and trainer to empower singles “to get over their hurdles and under the chuppah”.  Aleeza started the Fellowship with an idea that has now grown into her full time job with a stellar staff working under her, international speaking gigs, television appearances, and two published books! Find her on Instagram: @marriagemindedmentor

The Tribe 12 Fellowship gives young budding entrepreneurs an opportunity to blossom. So what is their secret and how do they build an entrepreneur? Here are 9 ways they helped me to grow and become the professional that I am today.

1. Belief In Me, Not Just My Venture

While it’s true that Tribe 12 would be ecstatic to see your venture succeed, it is not the venture that they believe in. It’s not your amazing business idea they want to support. Tribe 12 believes in YOU! They want to help you to grow personally and professionally. Whether your venture succeeds or fails, YOU will always succeed. Because even a failure is an opportunity for growth and learning. And if you have skills, Tribe 12 knows you’ll go on to try something else until you succeed.

2. Business Training Sessions

There is a wonderful and intimate group (about 10-12) of fellows each year. Together you receive training and participate in workshops where you learn new skills, refine your venture and engage in new thinking. Your peers are there to support you. I loved having a team of good hearted and supportive people to help me refine my vision and make my dream business a reality.

3. I Found Myself A Cheerleader

Being an entrepreneur can be lonely and challenging at times. Personally I work from home and spend much time on my own growing my business. Having a peer group and supportive business networking group made a huge difference. I knew I had a squad behind me who supported me and wanted to see me succeed. They cheered me on along the way. A supportive environment is key to an entrepreneur’s success.

4. Network, Network, Network.

I appear outgoing to most people, but I’ll tell you a secret: I’m an introvert by nature. While I have trained myself to be more of an extrovert, meeting new people can be a challenge. Tribe 12 provided me a network and connections that made meeting people a joy instead of a challenge.

5. Go Ahead And Make A Mistake

Tribe 12 embraces mistakes. In fact, if you’re not making mistakes in business you’re doing something wrong. Together we looked at where we went right and where we went wrong. I had a support group to help evaluate how to do things better next time.

6. Grant And Scholarship Opportunities

Whether you’re a for profit or nonprofit business, Tribe 12 lets you know about local, national and international opportunities to get financial support on an ongoing basis — long after your Fellowship has ended. In addition, they have a network of funders who are eager to learn about your venture and possibly support it. I personally received financial support to bring a 20-hour coaching training to market through a connection from Tribe 12.

7. It’s Not A Sprint, It’s A Marathon

Tribe 12 taught me to take my time, develop my ideas and build my business. Personally, I was in a rush to make things happen. Thank goodness for Tribe 12. They helped me to slow down and take the time to do things right.

8. Build Your Business Around Your Life

Instead of a traditional model of building your life around your business, Tribe 12 encouraged me to build my business around my life. At the time I was in the Fellowship I was pregnant with my 5th child! Building a business, while important, had to come second to taking care of my family. Tribe 12 believed in my passion and vision and helped me build a wonderful business around my wonderful (and growing) family. I so appreciated that they believed in me even when it looked like I had my hands full. I slowly grew my business and was afforded the ability to be a stay-at-home mom and work part time doing something I love. Now that my kids are all in school I have time to grow my business at a faster pace.

9. Launch Night

There’s just something special about presenting your venture to a crowd of a few hundred people. I stood on stage and shared what I was doing and why it was important to me. I also had to prepare a table, present my business and talk to potential clients. Of course I had to have business cards ready to go; I also had copies of my book, Get Real, Get Married, which released at Launch night 2013. To this day I am always prepared to attend an event, speak to people and share what I’m doing in business. I still have my bag packed with my tablecloth and everything necessary to showcase my business.

Could I have done all this on my own? No. Tribe 12 was instrumental to my success. Thank you, Tribe 12. I love what I do and I love that you still support me and my growing business.

There are only a few days left to apply for the Tribe 12 Fellowship! Learn more and apply at tribe12.org/fellowship or reach out to Polly Edelstein at polly@tribe12.org for a quick chat!

Why do the Tribe 12 Fellowship?

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By Michael Saks 

This upcoming class will be the 12th class of the Tribe 12 Fellowship. I’ve seen many entrepreneurs, myself included, come through the program and build up things they were passionate about – whether they were ideas, products, or programs. 

Are you contemplating applying? Here’s some advice.

1. Find something you’re passionate about.

          a. If you’re not passionate about it, why should others be?

2. An idea is a seed – and just like seeds, ideas will grow.

          a. A lot can happen and change over 4 months.

3. Be open to suggestions and feedback.

          a. You might be so close to the idea that you might be missing something.

          b. Someone might suggest something that’ll make your idea even better.

4. It doesn’t need to be a finished product when the program is done.

          a. Unless your venture has already taken shape prior to the program, 4                    months may not finish it, but it’ll help catapult it towards the future.

5. You get out what you put in.

          a. It’s not supposed to be easy but it’s not impossible. Hard work pays off.

6. Use your fellow entrepreneurs.

          a. They might see something you didn’t or there might be a future                              partnership.

7. Ask questions.

          a. You don’t know what you don’t know. Questions only help you identify                  how your venture will take shape.

8. Talk to alumni.

          a. There’s plenty of them who’ve made their side hustle their main hustle. 

9. Be flexible.

          a. The class of 2020 had to pivot some of their ventures and were able to                grow because of it.

 

 

Gender Diversity is Divinely Jewish

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By Lex Pe’er Horwitz (they/them)

There is nothing more beautiful than starting your journey to discovering and nurturing your true self. 

Learning about our inner most desires and needs presents us with the glorious opportunity to live our lives to the fullest as our authentic, divine selves. After all, we are created in g-d’s image, which means we are meant to be the fabulous perfectly imperfect human beings that we are. 

As a proud Jewish human, when I came to my queer sexuality and gender identity in college, I was fearful that I would not be understood—that I would be invisible as the real me—and that I would no longer be accepted, loved or supported by my Jewish community. I wondered, “Do I still have a place in Judaism? In the community that I love—the community that raised me and fully formed me into the beautifully complex human being I am today? Will I be loved as me in all my queerness or despite being queer?” Overwhelmed, I was too scared to seek out the answers for myself. 

Growing up, I had never heard the term “transgender” or “non-binary” or “queer” in my religious spaces—let alone my secular spaces—and this absence of visible queer and trans folx in my life, paired with the non-existent conversation on gender diversity and sexuality in mainstream Jewish media reinforced my false belief that there wasn’t a loving space for me as a queer, gender transcendent Jewish human.

But oh how wrong I was! One day, my childhood Hebrew school friend tagged me in a post on Facebook with the title “The 8 Genders of the Talmud”.* Upon viewing, my jaw dropped, my face lit up with excitement, my heart imploded with joy, warmth radiated throughout my soul, and my mind expanded with curiosity as a galaxy of glitter and pixie dust took over my being—I felt the tension from years of internalized fear drain out of my body through the tears of relief that rolled down my cheeks. As I exhaled, it felt as if the world was holding me, carving space for me to live my truth with my community, not as an outsider peering in. It was as if my being was elevating to a sacred plane of existence where I was not only understood, but valued as the true me. In that very moment, everything changed for me—not only does Judaism understand gender diversity, but Judaism affirms and supports genderqueer existence at it’s core.

So today, I am here to share some of the resources that have guided my personal journey to exploring gender diversity and fluidity in Judaism. My hope is that this resource is a stepping stone in your journey to learning how trans and gender diverse identities have deep roots in Judaism. To all of my transgender, non-binary, and genderqueer Jewish siblings, I hope that these resources help you break free from the false belief that we do not have a place in Judaism, a fear that stems from internalized Western imperialist binary thinking (a topic that deserves it’s own article, something we can dive into as a part 2). I am by no means an expert, simply a passionate Jewish LGBTQ+ educator and activist, so in order to provide you with the most accurate and detailed information, I am going to send you directly to the experts themselves.

Resources

Keshet

Keshet is a one-stop-shop for all things LGBTQ+ Jews could need, with their resource library ranging from information on Jewish texts and tradition (including Torah Queeries!), LGBTQ+ holidays and life cycles, coming out, family and parenting, how to support transgender and non-binary people, community inclusion guides (including printable signs and stickers!), and even advocacy and allyship opportunities!

TransTorah.org

TransTorah was created by Rabbi Elliot Kula and Rabbi Reuben Zelleman to collect accessible trans and genderqueer Jewish resources. TransTorah serves as a clearinghouse for gender affirming rituals (such as a transgender and gender-nonconforming wedding service, a blessing for gender transition and a prayer for binding one’s chest), essays, serums, and poems, videos, and art. 

Nonbinary Hebrew Project

Created by Lior Gross in 2018, the Nonbinary Hebrew Project is a free open-source Hebrew grammatical system that allows nonbinary Hebrew-speakers to speak in the first person without misrepresenting their gender. They’ve written out many of the common prayers in Hebrew and transliteration so you can use this resource even if you’re not fluent! They’ve also compiled resources on modern LGBTQIA+ Jewish efforts, gender expansiveness in traditional Jewish texts, and gender neutral language options for languages around the world.

Transgender Rabbis

Looking for inspirational transgender rabbis? Check out Profiling the First Generation of Transgender Rabbis, which introduces and shares the stories of 6 transgender rabbis and rabbinical students. 

For some, being recognized in sacred texts may not impact your relationship to Judaism, but for others like myself, being validated by these texts is world changing. These texts are more than just religious doctrine—they work as a road map to our cultural and historical wealth as Jewish people and with that they carry spiritual, moral, and many times pragmatic guidance to our everyday lives. When we as LGBTQ+ beings are not recognized, validated, supported, or uplifted as our authentic selves by the communities we call home, it is beyond heartbreaking. By showing you the presence of gender diverse representations and understandings in Judaism, I want you to know that you are beautiful the way you are, you are loved for being you, and there has always been a space for you in Judaism. I hope you never change your true self for others. And, rather paradoxically, I also want you to know that your validity is never determined by the acceptance, understanding, or affirmation of religion, your respective communities or societal standards—you are valid simply because you are you. Luckily, as trans, non-binary and genderqueer Jews, we can have our cake and eat it too. We do not have to choose between being our authentic selves or our religion because we are represented in every level of Judaism, from our classical texts, to our secular and religious leaders, to the many community spaces like our very own Tribe 12 LGBTQIA+ community that are designed by and for queer Jews.

Be proud of who you are, and know I am proud of you too.

*As incredible as all of these resources are, it is important to note that there is conflation between sex (i.e., female, male, intersex, non-binary) and gender (i.e., woman, man, non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc.). However, sex is not the same identity as gender. Sex is a combination of bodily characteristics including chromosomes, hormones, internal and external reproductive organs and secondary sex characteristics. Someone’s gender is their innermost concept of self as being a woman, man, blend of both, or neither. Your gender identity is how you perceive yourself and what you call yourself.

About the Author

Lex Pe’er Horwitz (they/them) is a queer, gender transcendent Jewish LGBTQ+ Educator, Activist, Model, and Public Speaker based out of Philadelphia where they live with their two senior special needs fur babies, Saboo and Lady Tooth. Lex received their B.A. in Psychology and Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies from Bowdoin College, where they competed as the first out transgender athlete in all of collegiate squash and as the first out trans athlete at Bowdoin. Their advocacy focuses on educating allies and members of the queer community on LGBTQ+ identities, topics, and issues through a multitude of pathways–facilitations, workshops, lectures, one-on-one support, and consultation services to name a few. Lex’s goal is to provide a judgement-free safe space for all people to engage in critical conversation about gender, sexuality, and community. You can learn more about Lex and access their free educational resources on their website. Stay connected and follow Lex’s journey through Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Patreon, and YouTube.