Andrea Highbloom has always been good at giving her friends casual advice, but now she’s making it an official title. Join us here for a little Q & Andrea, where this nice Jewish girl helps you tackle some of the hard stuff that comes about as you start #adulting.
“I know I don’t like my job, but I don’t even know where to start looking for a new one or even what I want to do. How do I narrow it down? Where should I go from here?”
Tell people you’re job hunting! While of course you may need to be sensitive to rumors of your job hunt getting back to your current employer, tell as many people as you’re comfortable with that you’re open to new opportunities. Networking is the best way to hear of new potential opportunities and to get your foot in the door in a new industry. Of course, anyone you tell is going to ask you, “What are you looking for?” It’s totally okay that you don’t know what your dream job is, but you’re going to need an answer beyond “Something I don’t hate that comes with a paycheck.”
A good place to start is to make a list of things you like about your job and things you don’t like. You may start by thinking that you hate every single thing about what you’re doing, but try to think of some things you like about your current job or jobs you have had in the past. Some items to consider for your like/dislike list: your hours, level of interpersonal interaction, your workstation/office setting, commute, size of your company, level of impact you can make, company culture, etc.
Once you have your list, highlight a few items that you feel are must haves or deal breakers for you. Maybe you still don’t know the title of your dream job, but at least you may have a better of idea of what you’re looking for. For example, maybe you’re looking for a role where you can have a lot of interaction with people, at a big company that has a flexible remote work policy.
Now that you have your lists, you need to start doing some research. Use Google, use LinkedIn, use your network to start exploring jobs and companies that are interesting to you. Once you have some ideas in mind, now you can start working on how to strengthen your resume and skills so that you’re a strong candidate!
P.S. Tribe 12 has a Job Board that lists all the cool opportunities we hear about from the community. Check it out!
“My friend is angry with me for telling her the truth about something that she didn’t want to hear. Now she’s icing me out and making things super awkward within our friend group. How do you think I should handle it?”
Are you at all concerned about salvaging your relationship with your friend or are just concerned about awkwardness with the rest of your friend group? If you are interested in making things right with your friend, that will be the easiest way to smooth things over with the rest of the crew. Take a step back and rethink your delivery and intentions during your conversation with your friend. Did you come from a place of trying to help or were you just imposing your own judgments on something that was not really your business? Did you express your truth with empathy and caring or did your tone come across as harsh or judgmental? It’s possible that even if you shared the truth, you still owe your friend an apology. You don’t have to take back what you said, but you can still apologize for the hurt you caused.
If you really have no interest in maintaining your friendship and you also feel justified in what you shared, then you may just have to deal with a bit of awkwardness for awhile with the rest of the friend group. As relationship dynamics shift, it can impact bystanders and possibly they just feel uncomfortable and stuck in the middle. Talk to your friends! Tell them that you have noticed the tension and you want to figure out how best to move forward so that you can maintain your relationships and have fun altogether as a group! If they are true friends, you can work through the issue together.
“I would love to go check out some cool events around town but I’m terrified of going alone. Do you have any advice?”
If you’re looking to meet new people and widen your network, attending an event alone can be a great way to put yourself out there. It forces you to go outside your comfort zone instead of gossiping in the corner with the friend you came with. If you’re nervous about the prospect, I would recommend picking an activity-focused event for your first outing – particularly something you’re already comfortable with. For example, if you like yoga, attend a rooftop yoga event, if you like art, find a Paint Nite or check out a gallery on First Friday. The activity helps to break the ice and you’re also likely to meet people who have similar interests, which will help the conversation flow. Once you’ve done this a few times, you’ll definitely feel more comfortable venturing out alone to some other events that involve a bit more small talk and even trying something new that you’ve never done before.
There are definitely benefits to going alone, but if it is really too scary to get over for you at first, why not think about someone that you already know that might want to go with you? Even if you’re new to the city and don’t have a big network of friends, you may be able to round up a coworker or neighbor who is interested. Just mention casually that you were thinking of checking out that happy hour at Parks on Tap and you may be surprised who wants to join in!
P.S. Tribe 12’s community calendar, gobejewish.com, aggregates all the events for 20s / 30s in the Philly Jewish community. Check it out!
Do you have a question for Andrea? Looking for advice on something in your life? Now’s your chance, send it in!
